—contributed by an anonymous writer
’T was the night before Christmas, when all through the land,
not a critic was stirring, for critics were banned.
A thousand new prisoners, snug in their cells,
all held without charges or tinsel or bells.
And mamma was wrapped in the national flag,
while we sang, “Where there’s never a boast or a brag.”
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the TV I flew like a flash;
I then watched “Survivor” and reruns of “Mash.”
The fireworks, exploding above the new snow,
gave a luster of objects to people below.
When what saw my wondering eyes in the flashes:
a miniature George Bush and eight tiny fascists!
Their jerseys were blue and said “WORLD DOMINATION”;
I knew right away this was not just claymation.
More rapid than eagles the warlords they came,
as the little Bush whistled and called them by name:
“Now, Gephardt! Now, Ashcroft! Now Strom, don’t relent!
On, Poindexter, Rumsfeld! On Henry and Trent!
To the top of the globe, while the crowds at the mall,
now bomb away, bomb away, bomb away all!”
His sack had a war game for each girl and boy;
his pocket, four billion from just Illinois.
Far up on his high seat the driver did mount,
with more massive weapons than Kofi could count.
And then, I heard sounds from away off somewhere,
the booming of bombs that were bursting in air.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
down the chimney old Dick Cheney came with a bound.
He said not a word, nor disclosed his location;
he wiretapped my house in the name of the nation.
Then holding the strings of his little Bush puppet,
he went to the chimney and quickly rose up it.
The sleigh was still running, but Dick didn’t hurry;
gas guzzlers, it seemed, were no longer a worry.
He popped the champagne and exclaimed as he served it,
“The world is now ours, and GOD DAMN, we deserve it!”